To a particular old friend:
I have been thinking about you a lot lately, and im not entirely sure why that is. Its strange for me to see you now, and even though you not being in my life has been a huge part of who I am and have become, it's suddenly weird for me to see your name log on and just think of what would happen if i even tried to say hello. I have been thinking a lot about the stupid things we did and the jokes we had, i've even been thinking of the worst parts but all of them seem to be that i feel like it isn't even you that i miss, it's me. I feel like a different person now than i used to be, and i dont know if its a combination of aging, problems and my surroundings that have made me this way. But it is like im expecting to wake up one day and realize i have no idea who i am anymore, i really do expect that day to come. It's weird for me because i have always felt so in touch with myself, but now i dont. I oftentimes feel like i dont have the people to learn on that were always such constants in my life, and that because of that who i am has changed. I have had to grow and adopt new methods to cope with things in life, and try to figure out what i need to do to get through a day. I don't want to go back to the times when you were in my life, but i want myself back, i want to know who i am and what i like, not what i think i need to or should like. But where do i even begin?
As for you, it is clear to me that you exemplify what the "life goes on" phrase really means. Thats for the best, and i wouldnt have wished you anything less. Ill continue to be another memory in your life, and thats where i need to put you in my life again. Somehow you managed to slip off the put away memories section, and now are like an anchor to my mind, but i know that i can quickly remember why your just a memory now.. and i hope you'll be just a brief thougt if anything once again...
